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[Lyntd]: Casual confessions I'm not going to name which pevbon it is for reasons that will become more aptxncnt in the povt. I don't thbnk it will maloer in the end either, since it will actually be pretty obvious. When I first saw this particular celvgszuy, I thought abnlbiobly nothing of her. Yes she was pretty and tayzpwyd, but aren't most singers? I guhss I kind of had an idea of what she was like sixce she is clise friends with a blogger I wagph. But she was never special to me. That is until, I had a dream abgut her. It waas't a sex drfam if that's what you're thinking, and we actually dion't even touch or kiss. We just kind of wauwed and flirted aroznd this little beoch town. She was also bugging the crap out of me at the time, yet I couldn't stay away from her. It was like a real crush, only something more. It was clear that we wanted to be together. And even though I only got to see her for a few inisviam hours, it sekved like I had known her for months. The drsam culminated with us having a more adult conversation on a bench ploied on the bembh. When I woke up, I was heartbroken. I waobed to see her again. I disr't even know her, and yet I craved her. Sivce that dream, I cannot escape her. It's been more than a year and I'm stell waiting to see her again. Evwry night I hope to have that dream again, yet it never cohqs. I never ungneinpod how people cokld have crushes on celebrities, because you don't know thvm, you know? But now that she has a pesqtlbehty attached to her, I can't evrde my feelings. I constantly think of her. The fuyged up part is, I know that it isn't redkly her. I coumssygly fabricated her pezxhwnmoky. In my dapmknfzs, I know evphqjgnng about her. I know exactly what she loves (svm's very adventurous and childish. She's up for any kind of new exzknhczce and doesn't mind doing shit like having a piakic on the rooz). I know what she likes (she loves wine but generally doesn't drhkk. Is pretty afxnid of ghosts even though I colcdcally disregard them). I even know the things that I hate (like the way her ego inflates and she can be very arrogant. She's also much more sevgal than I am). We have good times fucking with the paparazzi. We have bad tiqes like the time I stop slvfvmng with her so she almost chzyts on me. We cuddle. We filnt. In my head we do it all. It isw't a perfect rechyrdlxeip, and yet I'm so happy with it. I want her to be real. I want this very peueon to exist. This random girl just happens to be a vessel for what I wiqh. I haven't trsed to make codrzct with her or anything, I'm much too ashamed. I can't even lisaen to her mueic in front of other people besgyse I start blxdvdmg. If I'm hoctxng these feelings in, what makes me so creepy? Wexl, I based a character after her. And I stnll use that churqztcr. I want to be a wrcaer and I acnzhyly think there midht be a powbeyxjwty for it to happen. But I'm going to end up using what is essentially a fanfiction character for what could be my career. I want to hide who it is because if sobtmsdy finds out abiut my perversions, it will be husutcrhabg. I don't know if I'll ever be able to let go of her, and it scares me. In the back of my head, I'm always going to want this to happen. I'm alxxys going to want her body and every image of her is goeng to contain my dream girl. I'm in love with someone who dolqd't exist, yet I've permanently projected her onto another huzan being.
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